I was reading a lesson in a Course in Miracles and attempting to keep my focus as my dog Mikko was schlupping (what we call that slurping noise he makes when he's licking) and preening. He'd just come in from playing with our other dog Frodo in our first snow of the season! His schlupping is one of those noises I easily dismiss when it blends in with others. In the quiet of my morning lessons and meditation I find it distracting and a bit irritating. I’d asked him a couple times to stop and he’d just looked at me with raised eyes and continued with his task.
I noticed myself trying to hold back and talk myself out of my irritation. I chose to ease off the brakes and let it be. In that instant, as I felt the truth of my feelings, Mikko stopped, looked at me and I heard “Why didn’t you just say so?” He laid his head down and stopped. I felt the sensation of what I’d been holding back course through my body and join the flow of my being. As it moved through, I felt more present and alive, and a familiar longing felt filled.
I went back to my morning practice and was drawn back to that point where I'd been denying my feelings. I heard “Illusions start here.” It made so much sense and it made me curious. This was a perfect little bite sized piece that I'd caught early before pressure had been given time to build. What other little bite sized pieces or places might I find where I’ve been denying my feelings and holding myself back? How much more of myself might I find?
When I look at it from this perspective, I feel excited and playful. Intrigued and eager to explore. The ways of our world often feel strange, harsh, and foreign to me. I’ve often wondered what’s wrong with me that I don’t seem to fit in? I often feel boxed - caged where I don't fit. Is there room for me in this world? Could I ever possibly belong? Do I want to?
This morning I was given a glimpse into a world where I wanted to be. A place for me to be me and a playful desire to go exploring for more. Backed with a knowing that I belong – that I’m supported and loved.
All this from Mikko showing me a bite sized little piece of where I’ve been holding myself back, feeling drawn to allow it to be, and then Mikko so poignantly emphasizing it for me in his dignified style that I love so much. Miracles come in the most unexpected places and forms.